The Looking Good Church

Appearance to the world of the looking good Church Member
v The "hero'' of the environment
v Very responsible
v Motivated, achievement oriented
v Successful in many pursuits
v "Together,'' with an aura of having it "made'' emotionally
v Good natured, sociable
v Appear to have high self-esteem
v Loyal
v Popular with others, social and outgoing
v Considerate of others
v Appropriate and clean-cut behavior characteristics
v Hard worker
v Helpful
v Appeaser and peace makers
v Very positive with others
v Driven
v Goal oriented

Feelings inside person "with the looking good Church member"
v Fear of confronting problems
v Fear of confronting people with problems
v Denial of problems
v Guilt for the troubles and problems in others' lives
v Feeling of never being "good enough'' or having done enough
v Confusion about what to do to solve problems
v Fear of conflict, fights, or arguments
v Need to keep negative feelings to self, secretive
v Need to give others what they want
v Keep personal and family problems to self, secretive
v Mixed feelings of love and hate for people with problems close to them with problems
v Confusion about their true feelings
v Low self worth
v Anger about having to strive so hard
v Anger at getting so little back for all their giving
v Anger at others who are irritable and critical when they are trying so hard
v Anger at selves for discounting their own needs and selling out to others' demands
v Guilt over feeling anger
v Feel lonely and isolated from others
v Critical of others' performance
v Never satisfied with their own performance
v Hypercritical of self first and others second
v Compulsive need to be good
v Fear of showing affection or are unable to do so

Negative consequences of looking good behaviors
v Low self-esteem
v Inability to relax
v Inability to enjoy successes
v Workaholic
v Rule bound compulsive need to conform to perceived norms of society
v Fear of letting go
v Guilt over not being able to do well enough
v Anger over never being able to be "finished''
v Inability to face own problems or the problems of those to whom they are close
v Impose high expectations on those with whom they are close: spouse, children, coworkers
v Caught up in perfectionistic attitude regarding everything
v Fear of taking risks
v Fear of rejection, since acceptance need is high
v Faulty problem solving and decision making abilities, non-original stereotypic responses
v Physiological response to intense internal stress and pressure: "Type A'' personality, prone to ulcers, heart trouble, high blood pressure, etc.
v Problems in interpersonal relationships
v Irrational beliefs that block personal growth
v Lack of affection giving skills